Sunday, March 29, 2009

People and Things I Want to Smack

We all have a list like this. Some people admit to it, some people don't, but we all have one. And it feels like my list is just getting longer and longer, and people and things that haven't been on the list in awhile are now finding their way back on...

Here's my "People and Things I Just Want to Smack" list for the week:

1. My scale. I think it's horrifically unfair that when I first step on it, for exactly 1 second, it flashes a weight that's .2 pounds lighter than the weight it actually gives me. It makes me want to scream. Especially when the lighter weight is XXX.8 and when it goes up, it goes XXY.0. It gives the illusion of losing a pound and gaining a pound in a second. So infuriating.

2. My co-workers. Yes, most of you are fine, but a few of you... And you know who you are... Are douche bags. Sometimes I think a good smack to the head is what you need. Seriously. No, your irritating antics aren't as profoundly affecting my life as you'd like to think they are, but still, I have to deal with you and that just bugs the crap out of me. And now I have to deal with a co-worker who quit a year ago, who was an obnoxious pain in my butt, because she came crawling back for a job. And we're dumb enough to give it to her. Ugh.

3. That guy who argued with me over $3. Yes, I get that it's $3 and you want it back. Yes, I get that you're very special and important. Yes, you still have to wait in line to get your $3 back. And I don't care that you make so much every hour that waiting in line for $3 means you're undervaluing your time. You still have to wait in line.

4. Valve. Give me my damn "Left 4 Dead" content already.

5. My husband. Honey, you know I love you, but you make me insane sometimes. You have a week off and the only day you can go out with the boys is on my first day off in 7 days, the only day I have off this week, and the last day off we have together for 2 weeks? Really? And no, I don't want to watch anything on the Military Channel. Ever.

6. Nicholas Cage. Stop doing stuff. I don't like you. Please go away.

7. My hair. Please, please, PLEASE, for once do something besides be a limp, stringy mop on my head. You're killing me. Why can't you be interesting and pretty, like other people's hair? What do I have to do? Just tell me, I'll do it. I actually am taking this one off the list. My haircut seems to have cured my boring and limp hair issue... I now have very cute, maybe even incredibly hot and sexy hair. Now to refresh my color, and I'll look even hotter-er and sexier-er, both of which are now officially words because I say so.

8. My husband's insurance company. You suck. The whole idea behind insurance is that eventually, after all of the paying in, you occasionally pay out when we need you to. Not that we just give you money that you take and keep. And would it kill you to return our calls within the same week we called you? I just don't understand... Do you operate out of a basement somewhere? PS... A dislocated kneecap? That does qualify as "emergent and urgent care." If you dislocate your kneecap, going to the emergency room is the appropriate response, waiting 3 days to go to your PCP is not. Kneecaps belong on the front of your knee and if it's not there, you should probably get that checked out right away.

9. My Blackberry Storm. I love you, I really do. And I realize that the reason you're not working is because I stupidly left you on the floor of the forklift cage and dirt and dust got underneath the screen. It was a dumb and poorly thought out action on my part. It really was. I'm truly sorry. I really am. So please, please, please make the right side of my screen work again. Please? I'm lost without you and when you don't work right, my day is a mess. How can I properly supervise without my Blackberry? It's not possible.

And thus concludes the airing of my grievances. For now, anyway. I have faith that someone or something will eventually piss me off again.

1 comments on "People and Things I Want to Smack"

Mal on March 29, 2009 at 10:31 AM said...

some good stuff to smack there.

I'd definately give Mr cage a smack. He thinks he can still do action films, but they are all just the same.


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